Much ground has been covered in the last few days. The spontaneous welcome of affection, wherever the Holy Father moved, spoke not only of the jubilant crowd, but, I believe, of their personal and collective hunger for God, and appreciation for the presence of one who represents Him for millions around the world.

This is not a perfect world, nor a perfect Church, but we’re on our journey, each with a unique history of faith, won through years of grace beyond merit, searching, praying, studying, watching the Gospel’s being written in the lives of friends, priests, saints of the past and present.

Yet, there is a deep sadness over the clergy abuse of children, something beyond anger and shame. It stops us in our tracks, and we don’t quite know how to go forward, how to leave the mourning and step into the sunshine of laughter, as though one could forget so easily.

I wonder if, somehow, women’s suffering in this area is unique to them, since their personal investment in children is more concentrated. Then, when I read about the anger and almost-despair of fathers whose children have been abused, I think we hurt not less nor more, but differently. Dads may be more likely to keep everything inside. Women may seek relief in sharing with a trusted friend.

No matter, women or men, under this kind of stress, we all need to pull back a ways to pray and just be. Funds may not be plentiful for a week’s retreat, or for hiring help to care for the children. Then is when the charity of the community surrounds us, and we meet together for desert and coffee, study and prayer in a friend’s home, a mini-church, complete with skates in the driveway and homework on the kitchen table.

During the pope’s visit, he addressed 350 bishops. Of those, almost all without exception can get away for private retreats, spiritual direction, psychological help, and just plain R&R on a Florida beach, when the sexual abuse scandals become more than they can handle.

And so the laity gather together, and the clergy do the same, but separately. Are we missing something here?

Frequently, Pope Benedict has expressed the opinion that he favors a small, more intimate Church, where the faithful really live up to the demands of their faith...some interpret that as a “lean, mean Church.”

This puzzles me. On our way to the “perfect Church,” what about those who are left on the sidelines, perhaps more needy than those on the inside circle? . Where would be the shepherding? The seeking after the lost sheep? It’s sort of an enigma to me. I don’t think I’d like to belong to a Church where striving for personal holiness results in a kind of exclusive spiritual club.

There is something else that has puzzled me for a long time – the supposition on the part of the hierarchy that there is an invisible wall between them and the laity, a buffer zone that shields the laity from the scandals just beyond their view, precluding the necessity of dialogue between those in the pews and those at the altar.

Our laity are literate. They read books and newspapers, stroll around the Internet, write letters to the editor, and join The Voice of the Faithful and Catholic Action groups. That is why it would behoove members of the hierarchy to invite the laity for a cup of tea or coffee, or whatever, just for a friendly chat to become familiar with the lay of the land in a new country.

For example, someone who had learned her kindergarten manners before being sent into the strange world of different kinds of playmates, would have tugged at the Pontiff’s white sleeve and whispered in his ear that not attending a dinner especially planned for him wasn’t very nice. It could hurt people’s feelings, and they might not invite you again. Besides, she knew a little poem her mother taught her by a famous man, named Hilaire Belloc, with a lesson in it.

In my walks,
It seems to me,
The grace of God
Is in courtesy.

“Manners are easy,” she would declare. “Just think how you would like to be treated, and do that, like praying with your friends after dinner was over. Then everyone would have been happy at the party. The way it turned out, lots of people probably thought you don’t have nice manners. And nice manners make people friends from different countries, with lots of water in between.”.

“Come again, Mr. Pope, and I’ll invite you to my tea party. We can pray, too, if you keep it short. ‘ Bye now.”

A question from the archives remains unanswered

An article that appeared here six years ago remains relevant to this topic. From the article archives we take this opportunity to once once again ask: "Why hasn't Legion founder been defrocked?"
(Click the link to open that article.)

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